A Reminder to Stay Alive.....

After losing my dad is 2006, I woke up and finally started to live and create my life, instead of letting life create and mold me. My dad called me the unstoppable one and always told me when I hit a brick wall to find a way around it, thru it or over it. I was very close to my dad and it took my 5 years to cry and come to terms with losing him. After I did I felt free and after spending the last 6 months finding my true self and weeding my garden called life I thought I was in a pretty good spot. Until last week.

When I got my mom to the emergency room at 3am they immediately knew what was wrong. She had a hernia. Her bowel was popped out of it too. When she then went in for surgery, they found 3! At an elderly age healing from this is not easy. Especially when everything that COULD go wrong DOES! With a host of other health problems I sat and slept in the chair at her bedside listening to her in pain, wishing I could take it away and wondering how she was going to make it thru this at her age. I slept at the hospital for days as I watched my mom drugged up on pain killers having no clue what they were shooting her with or giving her to take. As the days went on it became apparent that their was NO WAY she was going to be able to take care of herself for a LONG TIME after leaving the hospital. So I began my adventure on finding a full time caregiver, figuring out how I was going to afford it since medicare doesn't pay for it and wondering why she couldn't just have one hernia and no complications. Then it hit me.............

This is g-d's reminder to me to stay alive....stay in the moment, live for today and tomorrow and have no regrets. This is a message sent to me from my dad to remind me that I am unstoppable, that I have the tools it takes to accomplish anything I set my mind to. Most people look at bad situations like this as bad, negative,etc..I decided to look at it positively. All those endless, sleepless nights in the hospital gave me a chance to have many heart to heart conversations with my mom, to spend time reminding her of how wonderful our family was, all we had to live for and how this surgery will only make her a stronger person. She shared with me all the things that she loves about me, how even though I run a hectic busy schedule and am a workaholic I always find time for her. She told me that I turned out the way she raised me to be and how even though I get hurt my self centered people and bitches she is glad I am not one.

It's funny how the scare of almost losing my mom turned into the greatest bonding moment.................So remember to stay alive....don't let life create and mold you, YOU create and mold your life!