Finding my TRUE self

I embarked on this journey through Dahn Yoga to find my true self. To break down the walls I have, rid myself of the pre-conceptions I have and find my true purpose in life. I have wanted to become a more positive, confident and trusting person and through a workshop called Shim Sung as able to do just that. I have to say that the lenses I see life through are much different now.

I do the things I do cause I am passionate about them, but now with the passion I have for them I am able to see my dreams as goals, not just things out of my reach. I am passionate about relationships, whether they be friendships with friends, dating or family. Now I can see the purpose I serve in these relationships and trust them completely. I can see how important it is to NOT pass judgements on others. For we all see things differently and it is okay to be different. I see that people have good in them, and that the actions they present is not TRULY who they are inside.

So my true purpose in life is to take the passion I have for things and though the characteristics I possess bring fun, love, confidence, knowledge and happiness to all that surround me. This is what will bring me true happiness. I create my own legacy and I want people to remember me as this TRUE person. I am not hiding the true ME anymore. I am keeping my eyes open and staying alive!

Life Reflections

Have you ever had a chance to sit back and reflect on life and thought UGH....? What am I doing? It is not that I am unhappy with my life or what I have accomplished, its more of not having everything I want in my life in place that will make me happy. The hard part is a lot of these things I have no control over, which is hard for me to accept. I want to find the right one, settle down and get married. I know I have no control over when this will happen, but I am very ready for it. I refuse to accept someone who does not possess the characteristics I am looking for and want long term. Maybe I need to.?

Sometimes my frustration lies with bodybuilding. I know my goal but sometimes I think I don't have the genetics to accomplish it. I know you will say don't give up on your dream, but maybe the dream is far beyond my reach and should be re-evaluated. I spend all day eating, lifting, cardio, etc... and I sacrifice a lot for it, and I wonder if maybe I am doing it for no reason at all.

Sometimes I know I must do what I love but maybe I can love it without being IN LOVE with it......

My brain's desire

-I declare that I am the master of my brain.
-I declare that my brain has infinate possibilities and creative potential.
-I declare that my brain has the right to accept or refuse information and knowledge that it is offered.
-I declare that my brain loves humanity and the earth.
-I decare that my brain desires peace.


What does your brain desire?

Best of Two Worlds...or not?

I often reflect on the two different worlds I live in..one as an elementary teacher and the other as a female bodybuilder. I mean talk about opposite lifestyles. I am so blessed to wake up every morning and do the one thing that I was put on this planet to do..teach! It comes with its ups and downs, good days and bad days but I do feel that my job is important and that I impact the future in many ways. I have accomplished a lot in my career and have always put it first. Now that I have finished my education and met many goals I had for my career I can focus more on bodybuilding. It is hard to live the lifestyle of a bodybuilder and a teacher. I mean you can't eat when you need, can't go to the bathroom when you need to, or even use the phone during the day. You are on stage for 8 hours a day and your work follows you home. Your brain is constantly reflecting on what you taught that day and reaching the huge needs of the students in your classroom by differentiating instruction. Balancing it all is sometimes tricky. The other hard part is the people in both worlds don't accept or understand the other world. My co-workers don't understand bodybuilding and my bodybuilder friends don't understand teaching. Sometimes I feel like I live in solitary confinement when it comes to this. So why do I continue to try to make this balance? Why don't I give up and walk away? Why don't I take one more serious than the other instead of trying to balance both. LOVE.... that is why! When I am passionate about something I can't just walk away from it.

In my head....

So overall I had a pretty good week! I am slowly watching myself sit back and smell the roses and enjoying each day. It has been a long time since I have felt this way and I feel as though I have found myself again. I am in a good place in life and feel like I have put things into perspective in many avenues of my life.

I have decided that on my journey to a pro card I need to enjoy the process and memories and stop focusing on the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes I spend so much time looking forward that I forget to look down. I have the best trainer and diet coach working with me. They want what is best for me and with their hand guiding me I can't go wrong.

In my career I have reached the end of my education...or have I? I decided that I need to continue to create yearly goals for myself and reach them, without them being evaluated by a boss, expected of me, and required. I have a huge gift that g-d gave me and I am lucky enough to use it daily. I get to not only educate and inspire young children but I get to work with students much like myself, who struggle to find their place in this world. Who are looked at as different, hard to handle, rebelious and not on the same level as their peers. Each day I hope these students leave my classroom feeling successful, loved, smart and motivated. Some days this job is draining, but once I reflect on it and look back, it amazes me how much I give of myself to my students every day.

So why the change you ask? Well....yoga has given me the chance to focus on the inside of me. I spend so much time focusing on how I am on the outside. It has built my self esteem and allowed me to express myself again. Something I lost due to past events in my life. Now that I understand what CAUSED me to lose my self esteem and develop these bad habits I am able to teach my mind how to overcome them. Sometimes it is funny how we create our own reality.

So I begin to embark on week 3 of no medication for ADD.....after being on it forever..............

Weekly Reflection of Life

Welcome to my blog, or should I say...random thoughts about myself page! I am hoping to blog weekly so check back for updates!!


So I just came back from Ohio and the North Americans. I had the privilege of working at the Species booth. It was such am amazing experience. I met so many new people who are both fans of the sport and compete. Although I was slightly plump and not happy with the way I look currently I still allowed myself to have pictures taken of me. I promised myself that for the next 6 months I would focus on a better me. I decided that contest prep would be a journey to a better physical me and the offseason would be a journey to a better emotional, more positive, less stressed, spiritual, happy me! I currently have a new love...DAHN YOGA! If you have never tried it you are missing out! I have learned to quiet my mind, energy meditation, increased concentration and how to enjoy silence and be at peace. It has helped me in SO many ways! It is like therapy and allows me to spend time inside myself. It also have taught me not to for preconceptions about things. I am super excited about my Shim Sung workshop I am attending!

I am also taking a hip hop dance class. I am hoping this helps me feel more confident onstage!